The skill of crafting harmonious relationships can increase productive business collaborations, loving personal relationships, and help you to achieve greater growth in the areas of health and spirituality.

People who are prosperous with relationships have developed the skill of creating harmony with others by: 

• Straightforwardly and clearly communicating their needs, abilities, and limitations without emotional drama.
• Setting and adhering to healthy boundaries.
• Distancing one’s self from those exhibiting toxic behaviors including excessive neediness, other co-dependent patterns, and emotional volatility.

People who find themselves in a pattern of conflict, misunderstanding or elusive love typically:

• Have a style of communicating that is often unclear or irrational in terms of expression or is confused in terms of hearing and accepting what is being expressed by others.
• Have challenges not only with setting healthy boundaries but respecting and honoring the boundaries that others set.
• Have a style of engaging toxic behaviors or creating situations that are emotionally volatile.

To turn a disharmonious pattern of interacting with people into a harmonious pattern, it is important to own one’s behaviors and examine how those behaviors may be contributing to disharmony.

The next step is to begin developing the skills of communicating without emotional agendas and reactivity, which means truly listening and absorbing the feedback that others share and responding in a positive way.

It also involves communicating your needs and boundaries in ways that are positive and calm.

It is also helpful to go inward and examine how one's unique emotional issues may be impacting the style that one has in personal or business interactions. Often times, there are issues that determine the tone of harmony or disharmony that one creates with others.

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Personal Relationship Example

Emotional Neediness

Bill considers himself a loving, giving gentleman who simply is challenged to find a woman with whom to share his life. 

He describes a life long pattern of being rejected by what he describes as women who cannot welcome love and his abundant attention.

When he dates a new woman, he quickly lavishes her with abundant gifts and desire to be in frequent contact shortly after meeting. As a result, most women ask him to give space in an attempt to bring balance to the interaction.

Yet, when a woman asks for space, he increases his efforts to be in contact and becomes frustrated if a woman reduces contact with him.

He also becomes indignant and feels as if women should be flattered by his excessive interest.

As a result, many women walk away from him. When this happens, he is devastated and wonders, “Why can’t a woman just love and adore me?”

He perceives himself as a victim of harsh and heartless women who unfairly judge him and reject him. Thus, he becomes more determined to find adoration such that he increases his efforts with each new woman he dates.

He rarely considers that his own behaviors and approaches may play a role in the consistent pattern of rejection that he experiences with women.

To heal this pattern of disharmony, Bill needs to examine, own and change the behaviors that may be leading to women rejecting him.

If he were to delve deeply, he might discover that despite telling himself that he is desirable and lovable, deep inside he is fearful that a woman will conclude that he is not worthy of love.

As a result, he exhibits overly assertive, clingy and infatuated behaviors that create obstacles to developing a balanced relationship with a woman.

Bill also needs to examine his ability to respect boundaries. To continue to be in contact, when women have asked for space creates a negative energy that pushes women even further away.

By recognizing and taking responsibility for his underlying emotional issues and behaviors, Bill can free himself from a pattern of rejection.

He can also develop the skill of crafting a relationship based on gradually getting to know her  and allowing her to know him over time versus acting out emotional volatility and neediness through attempts to rush into love.

If you recognize neediness or excessiveness in your behaviors, or the tendency to put yourself in the role of victim where you imagine that others are unfairly rejecting you over and over again, these resources may be helpful:

• Getting the Love You Want by Harold Melville
• Emotional Alchemy by Tara Bennett Goleman
• Toxic Relationships and How to Change Them: Health and Holiness in Everyday Life by Clinton McLemore

Often times, it takes professional counseling or life coaching to help individuals transform a life long pattern of indulging neediness schemas, but it can be done with commitment to change.

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Business Relationship Example

Laura runs a successful business and yet finds that the larger contracts or sales that she needs to take her company to a higher level never seem to manifest. 

When she looks carefully at the team she has assembled, she realizes that many of the individuals have difficulty with respecting the boundaries that she sets around deadlines.

She also notices that she has hired many individuals that have an emotionally reactive style such that much time is spent on drama instead of being productive.

As she looks at herself, she realizes that she often does not state boundaries around deadlines clearly and also fails to adhere to her own project deadlines. 

She also tends to be emotionally reactive, prone to frustration when others are not complying with the requests that she makes.

Laura realizes that to transform the energy in her work place and with her employees, she needs to first transform herself by communicating deadlines clearly and adhering to them. 

Laura also decides to practice meditative breath work as a way of managing frustrations instead of imposing emotionally reactive states on her employees.

Slowly, as Laura sets new expectations, the people who are committed to forward movement and growth, embrace and meet those expectations. 

The people who are committed to a habit of not respecting boundaries or not interacting with drama eventually leave the company on their own or ar asked to leave.

These changes create a space for Laura to carefully interview and welcome new team members who are dedicated to creating harmonious and productive work and interactions.

If you recognize any of the patterns in Laura in yourself, these self help resources can be helpful to transform toxic work relationships:

• The Power of Positive Confrontation: The Skills You Need to Know to Handle Conflicts at Work, at Home and in Life by Barbara Pachter and Susan Magee
• Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion by George J. Thompson and Jerry B. Jenkins

It takes great will and strength to look at one’s role in contributing to either toxic or supportive relationships and to firmly say, “I choose to eliminate toxic relationships from my life and craft a life where I am surrounded by truly positive and balanced people.” 

Don’t be surprised that when you make the choice to step away from toxic relationships, people with toxic styles will often thrash. 

They may accuse you of being unfair, misjudging or not understanding them. That is part of their drama schema or pattern. 

You can choose to engage dramatic, accusatory energies or fully step away.

Know that if you choose to step away, you will welcome abundant opportunities to cultivate love, support and growth-inspiring relationships in all areas of your life.

Know also that as long as part of your life contains toxic relationships filled with drama, angst, emotional volatility, then your energy cannot fully welcome abundant love and support to bring prosperity to both your personal and professional lives.

Boost Your Love Life with Energizing Foods and Chinese Herbs

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Spiritual Prosperity: Illuminate  Heart Energy

The information in Health Prosperity is for informational purposes only and is not intended to diagnose or treat any ailment or condition. Health Prosperity recommends that readers consult with their medical physicians before implementing any of the strategies or guidance regarding herbs, diet or qi gong movement.

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